Tracy, our daughter, was the light of our lives, but she lived for only eight months before dying of an accidental poisoning. It was during the course of moving from Springville, Utah to Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a very traumatic move, one we didn’t plan.
That was the hardest experience of my life. Every day I would come home and sit and cry. I thought God was punishing me. My mother or husband I often sat with me to give me strength. I found that I was pregnant with another child. I was totally lost in sadness and grief.
Five months after losing Tracy, my pregnancy was coming along. However, one night, I realized something was very wrong: my body was leaking amniotic fluid. We rushed to the hospital, and they gave us the grave news: I’m either having a hysterotomy, which means they’ll take the baby, or a hysterectomy, meaning, we’d never have another. What a horrendous choice at the age of 21!
Baby Donald was born at age 5 months along. They performed a C-section after inducing for 3.5 days, with no success. Only after his heartbeat stopped, did they do the emergency section. My husband, who was there throughout the whole experience, even had the doctors thinking he was one of them, having him hold syringes while they inserted a line from a vein in my leg to my heart. He was with me during the surgery. Baby only weighed 1.5 lbs. I was in ICU many days, and had many spiritual experiences too sacred to mention. Now, I know God didn’t punish me, and I learned many sacred things.
We had gone to the temple before, and decided that this was the best way for us to find hope and healing.
When the time came to go back to the temple, I knew that my husband and I would be sealed together for eternity. This knowledge filled me with gratitude and love. But best of all, I understood that this sacred ordinance was much bigger than the two of us.
At the temple, I knew that Tracy and baby Donald, whom we lost 5 months later, could be sealed to us. I cried tears of joy as I came to know this sacred doctrine, beyond a shadow of doubt. Our daughter and son, as well as all our other children, would be ours for all eternity! I testify that God has provided everything we need for happiness in His holy house.
When I meet someone who has lost a child, I feel their pain with them. But I also know that this pain is not the end. Through losing Tracy and Donald, and miscarriages, as well as experiencing other trials, I know that God is there for me. When I get discouraged or complain about things, I know that God is always there.
In the years since, my husband and I have been blessed with three sons, two daughters, and three adopted boys. Yet we can never forget Tracy and Donald. Because of the ordinances of the temple, our daughter and son is a part of our family forever.
I know I will see Tracy and Donald again, and that truth continues to fill my husband and me with deep joy.
Shirley
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