Dear Mama 

by S. M. Ulbrich

Write a poem that takes the form of a letter. It can be addressed to anyone – a friend, a family member, a stranger, yourself, or someone no longer here. The letter should feel personal and emotional. Starting with “Dear…” and ending with a closing is optional, but your poem should feel like a letter.

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Dear Mama,

In the trembling hush of my heart, where memories flicker like fireflies over Louisiana’s bayou shadows, I whisper to you across the eternal veil. You, my gentle Mama, whose spirit was ensnared by dementia’s merciless fog, your eyes dimmed like stars drowned in a cruel dusk.

I cling to my hopes of the last fleeting months you spent in my Texas log haven, its twin homes rooted in red-clay earth, built to cradle you close to Lafayette’s warm, Cajun heartbeat. My desire was to have you rest from your hard life, particularly the recent suicides of your son and brother, and enjoy researching our family history, while we heal ancestral wounds.

But you slipped away in your rage, refusing tests, though doctors whispered for years of the thief in your mind. I knew the reason you were so afraid of any discussion of mental health. 

Long ago, in Alexandria’s Pinewood, they labeled you delayed, branded you forever thirteen, and caged you for a year. I, barely a pre-teen, struggled to mother my three younger siblings. That was my year of racing home from school and appreciating a new product called Rice-A-Roni.

Over the years, you could only hint and shudder at the memory of managed care back there: stories of overcrowding, forced shock therapy, sedative drugs, chains and physical restraints.

The doctors, aware of my obligatory maturity, precisely illustrated the necessity of me supporting you throughout your life. And I accepted it, unfair as it might have been, there was no other option.

You needed me; that’s all I needed to know. Your husband—my stepfather—banished you there in that hospital, his heart cold as iron, while throwing out his own son, Glenn for trying to protect me.

Not long after that, he stole the funds of my Daddy’s social security payments, painstakingly saved for me and Jeri from his schizophrenia’s chains that had bound him, an emotionally frozen man since age twenty-one. 

I lost my Daddy at age four, Jeri having been forcefully conceived at the separation. We were alone and hungry, the three of us. You bore the shame of the accusations and inuendoes. I knew then I had a duty beyond my capacity. Daddy and his family fought for us, driven by the suspicion of abuse, my grandmother’s physical scars until her death. 

You met him when I was eight, and Jeri just four. That man’s fists scarred us all—you, me, Jeri, and my stepbrother Michael—before he fled to Southern California, building thirteen dens of sin and shame — porn stores — from our stolen future.

I eventually forgave him, as faith requires. Years later, driving you through desert’s searing grief to his funeral, but I couldn’t face his casket’s hollow stare.

Sundowners sank its claws, pulling you into night’s unyielding grip. You begged me, in moments of piercing clarity, to shield you from my stepsister’s cruelty—her bullying shadow loomed large, a tormentor like her father, who fought neighbors into courtrooms, failed at foster parenting in bitter rivalry with me, and wielded words and hands against you, even breaking your wrist. 

She plundered your credit cards, clashed with everyone, even her stepchildren who sued her, childless herself yet sowing discord. When you pressed me for unity, I said she was toxic, but in your naivety, you believed I called her trash. You didn’t understand; as a mother, you only saw division between your children and wanted unity.

In a moment of clarity, you pleaded for protection, and my heart vowed to be your refuge. When the time came, I couldn’t hold you safely here, although I tried. I rationalized that it’d just be for the holiday, so I purchased the flight with a 2-week return. No sooner did you get there, you announced that you were staying. 

After you were there a couple months, she cast you out in Utah, leaving you to wander in your car, a fragile shell under weeping skies, for a whole month until a shattered ankle unveiled dementia’s truth in a hospital’s sterile light. They called me only then, my soul fracturing, unaware of the lies that painted our family as uncaring, unaware she’d silenced my cries to bring you home. 

I fought, Mama, with an attorney’s fire, seeking guardianship to draw you back to Louisiana’s love, to friends who knew your gentle soul. The court stood ready, my hope blazing, but you faded the day before, leaving my promise unkept, a wound that bleeds still.

And oh, the final cruelty—Covid’s iron rules stole our touch. My stepsister and I, exiled outside your nursing home, knelt by an open window, our voices cracking through glass to whisper goodbyes. No hand to hold, no warmth to share, just words lost in sterile air, though you bore no virus. 

Only after your breath stilled could I reach you, a theft that rips my heart raw. Things remain undone, Mama—your plea for safety haunts me, a vow I couldn’t fulfill. Yet in this letter, I hold you fierce. Beyond the fog, beyond the pain of others’ betrayal, you are my Acadian root, my light in the bayou’s glow. 

My patriarchal blessing – a gift from Heavenly Father, reminds me that I “was born of goodly parents, parents that were chosen” for me in the pre-existence. 

I see you whole, resilient, your love enduring like the stories I write for children. I read you I Love You Forever, praying its words wrapped you in my boundless devotion. 

Forgive those who failed you; know my fight burned on, a daughter’s desperate love. Rest now, free of fear, in a heaven where no shadows fall. I love you, Mama, to the moon and back, forever.

Your daughter,
S.M. Ulbrich